Which Star Trek Captain Would Fare Best in a Marketing Agency?

by | Sep 16, 2016 | Firewood Life | 370 comments

Which Star Trek Captain Would Fare Best in a Marketing Agency?

Star Trek’s original five-year journey to explore new worlds and new civilizations has reached the half a century mark, and it’s still going where no one has gone before. Progressive and innovative from the get-go, its storied legacy continues to project and embody the best ideals of our present and future selves. Disease, poverty, and war are all chapters for the history books. Lust for money and power has been replaced by more noble and altruistic pursuits. Space exploration is huge. Reason prevails, at least within Starfleet’s ranks. Life in a starship is inclusive and open, with all races, genders, creatures, and creeds being equally welcomed and equally-valued (we’ll just overlook those first few years with all the ladies in micro-skirts). And everyone loves their jobs. Seriously, they do.

A lot of that probably has to do with the constant barrage of inter-planetary hardships that each successive crew has had to endure over their careers. From Klingons to Cardassians, the series might have tanked if the audience wasn’t riveted by the many mind-bending challenges, as well as by the ingenuity and enthusiasm of each crew’s varied solutions. And no character embodies this spirit of inventiveness and verve more than each ship’s captain, of which there were many.

Kirk, Picard, and every other captain who ever battled Romulans, Klingons, Borg, Denobulans, Ferengi (the list goes on…) repeatedly faced vicious and calculating enemies, and insurmountable odds, yet always found a way to end each battle victorious, and come out a better person for it.

But how would they fare if we were to beam them down to helm an agency in this most dangerous of universes—the marketing world? Let’s find out.

 

Jonathan Archer

The series “Enterprise” was last, but Archer commanded the first starship, stepping into unknown territory where no human had yet traveled. In our world, he is no longer relevant, but in the late 90’s and early 2000’s he steered his agency towards the digital arena, attempting to reach an audience like no one had done before. Retired now, he’s probably regretting his part in developing the spam clogging your inbox.

 

Benjamin Sisko

He commanded a station in outer space, “Deep Space Nine”—trading post, besieged unit, and melting pot of warring interests that required utmost diplomacy and frequent bouts of yelling. He, or someone like him, is presiding today over a merged conglomerate under the umbrella of a Publicis or an Omnicom, with several traditional or DM agencies in the house competing for the same clients, or serving conflicting clients, in an ever expanding organization made slow by multinational bureaucracies. If the offer were made to him, Sisko might decline, preferring the easier task of defending the Bajoran wormhole from the Cardassians. Mmm.

 

Kathryn Janeway

Tough and principled, Captain Janeway was stranded 70,000 light years from earth, and tasked with an impossible challenge: bring the crew home, integrate a group or rebels, fight the Borg, and learn to live with sex-pot-Borg-turned-human Seven of Nine. Today, Janeway works in the North Bay, attempting to turn around a mom and pop traditional direct mail/catalog shop, bring it to the twenty-first century, and catch up with the onslaught of technological innovations coming from Borg territory, also known as Silicon Valley.

 

Jean-Luc Picard

The purest form of a democratic leader, Picard surrounded himself with a trusted crew that he consulted before coming to his own decisions. In the real world, he is the boss everyone wants to have. He arrives at work before anyone and turns off the lights at the end of the day. He faces difficult choices with aplomb. He is the guy who didn’t lose his agency during the recession, and won’t sell to a higher bidder—captured and assimilated by the Borg, his resistance was not futile. He returned to his enterprise and is today enjoying steady organic growth helped by a team of loyal veterans.

 

James T. Kirk

Like Picard, he also built great relationships with his crew. But Kirk was often more pal than boss. He was also daring, impulsive, always itching for a fight. Always tamed by his exact opposite, the fabulous Mr. Spock. He was also incredibly smart and fun. Today he is a risk taker, innovative, constantly looking for the next thing, in tune with all the changes in popular culture, in tech, in the evolving ways that people relate and talk to each other. He finds new avenues for marketing and keeps searching for more. With his love of the ladies, he is also, unfortunately, a bit of an HR nightmare.

 

As for our leadership, one of our Founders is a natural blend of Picard and Mr. Spock—yes, Spock was a captain, too! He’s a diplomatic leader with a strong sense of logic, yet he always trusts the crew to “Make it so.” Our other Founder is all Captain Janeway (principled, fair, caring) with a dash of the Borg Queen—I mean, is there anything cooler than being a Borg Queen? And as for our Chief Creative Officer, he’d say he’s all Kirk (bold, not brash, sense of adventure) and we’d be inclined to agree, but more on the side of the care he puts into the crew’s happiness.

So, who would we pick to helm our Marketing Ship? None other than Captain Picard. To us, he embodies all the best qualities of a captain, and can handle even the most difficult of projects/clients with a dignity and grace that only a seasoned captain could.

As we boldly move ahead in our journey, we continue to call on all Bajoran, Klingon, Ferengi, Borg, Maquis, Holograms, Androids, Bolian with good marketing skills to check out our job openings and join the mission. We welcome all but reserve the right to draw a line at the C(K)ardassians…

rf_3_1

 

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